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I’ll tell you what it is

I’m really surprised at my self-healing powers, especially over the last few days. I love the incoming positivity when there’s a shitstorm all around you, and you’re still looking at the happy things in life – the things to look forward to, like the Pune trip with my girlfriends, like stuff at work. I realize I need to have more stuff to look forward to, to make my present more beautiful. To make the ugly, less ugly.

Last week, something happened. For the first time in my whole life. I was crying for no reason at all. Just locked in the bathroom, crying away. And scared as hell. Why was I crying? I had no answers but I knew D had something to do with it. Unanswered questions. And honestly, for no fault of his. My expectations hurt me, if I could change my expectations, bring them to none at all, wouldn’t I be a happier person?

At work, I faced a weird encounter. Colleague M said something really nasty to me and I had to swallow my pride. I was rattled, but I realized I dealt with it in a very different manner. I didn’t cry about it to anyone, including D. I had a mini outburst which was a tiny whine and then I listened to Taylor Swift’s Shake it off, and I was completely fine. Thank the lords for TS!

So life is really all about what you make of it. When you feel like depression is coming your way, surprise the fuck out of it. Confuse the hell out of it. And I’m not saying chin up, look at the silver lining. All I’m saying is, accept that some things suck monkey cock, cry about it till the well dries up (like the water situation in my building currently) and DO NOT forget to move on. Because beauty truly lies in moving on gracefully.


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